so i will just shut up

i long to see how my parents dated eons ago
how they spent their nights with friends
their books, if any. movies, if any
their love, could it be?

the jungle, rivers, mountains, trees
and everything that is green black and
brown, to get them under my nails
sucked them dry let myself sick
to death, poisoned my soul

and women. not enough of them,
too many of them, how many
would it take for a man to stop
to stop and stop and stop
and just
stop?

light sabres to cut down the throats
of whoever's in power now, of morons
roaming the streets of whatever
whenever where ever
without sounding like
a fuckin
jedi

i long to see the future of me and my friends
their families kids enemies troubles sadness
happiness, mostly.

or maybe i just want to live long enough
to carry all those photographs
i've collected, painfully,
to show them to my friends' kids

"hey, you know how your parents got that scar over there? its not motorcycle accident, its lover's quarrel, in my room no less. can you believe that, kid?"

i long to open up extremely and yet sublimely
but hey i guess not only the geekgirl but also me

looking for a way to be a whole nothing but be
ourselves.

i long to write some more but i guess opening up
is a challenge too heavy for me. so i will just
shut up.

paying the price of mikael's dream.